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Kindness

Cultivating Happiness

One of the benefits of this year’s cold spring is enjoying my daffodil blossoms for over a month. It is so miraculous how the daffodil bulbs know it is time to bloom each spring. They look so cheerful, a true harbinger of spring. A quote by Jorge Luis Borges comes to mind: “Don’t wait for someone to bring you flowers, plant your own garden and decorate your soul.”  It made me think about how some people just bloom in happiness and others just don’t.

  1. There are people that generate happiness. Just like the daffodils, they will bloom year after year bringing love and beauty into the world. They don’t rely on chance or other people; they make the world a more colorful, happy place. It does take time for happiness to blossom and to have miracles. Sometimes the flower is the miracle.  Sometime it is the giving of the flower.  People with internally generated happiness easily reflect this happiness.
  2.   There are people that just do not have happiness in their life. They rather spend their energy on judging, complaining on what is wrong in the world. They do not realize if they give happiness they will have more happiness than they ever thought possible. They easily see only the bad in others, since that is what they feel inside.  “Poor me I have no daffodils.”
  3. There are also people who wait to get their happiness from others.  They will wait to be given daffodils and will be upset if they don’t get them.  They think happiness is derived from their environment and not from their own inner hearts and inner work.

Of course our hearts don’t always live in just one place, but what a happier world it would be if we held more happiness is our hearts. What does happiness have to do with kindness? Everything! My premise is if you are consumed with your own negativity and constant complaining, it is difficult to be kind to others. Go pick some daffodils this spring and spread the joy.

 

Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories.  Please sign-up for almost weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook! 

Everyone thinks they are kind, but how kind are you, really?  Live Kinder helps you consider how you can be kinder.  Order the book for yourself and others to help make our world a kinder place.

The Boomerang Effects of Kindness

When I’m sad, I find doing an act of kindness for someone gives me a considerable amount of joy. By writing a letter, baking and delivering cookies or just calling a distant relative initiates happy thoughts. It chases those “poor me” thoughts out of my head. Spreading kindness is always a win for both the receiver and the giver.

Then, there are those really rough, terrible days when you need to know someone cares, you need a friend to hold your hand and a sister to give you a hug. Peggy Onwiler, founder of Sister Hugs, has taken this message to the next level and is this month’s Kindness Warrior Award winner. Many people contribute to the success of Sister Hugs, including Peggy’s friend, Marilyn, who has been with her every step of the way, and Mary who puts most of the inspirational posts on Facebook.

Sister Hugs’ mission is “To brighten a day, to spread a hug. We cannot fix, but we can improve a little bit.” They live their mission by delivering “Love Bombs.” The concept is when someone opens their gift; they are literally “bombed” with love. How fun to put such a positive twist on a negative. Sister Hugs first “Love Bomb” was delivered on July 5, 2012. Sister Hugs has since delivered over 700 Love Bombs all across the country. If you know someone that is going through a difficult time, someone that needs to know that others care, you can nominate them for a Love Bomb. No judgement just kindness.

Sister Hugs is a community of almost 10,000 on Facebook. They further connect people by fundraising for Sister Hugs. There is no better way to connect people than with the mission to spread kindness. It is a village effort with contribution from so many.

If you are in the Lincoln, Nebraska area why not plan to attend Sister Hugs “Spring Fling?” The “Spring Fling” is a first step to taking Sister Hugs to a new level. Peggy states: “Our spring fling is going to be held on April 14 and is a fundraiser for our next phase, “Nana’s Place”. This has been a long-time dream to have a physical address for Sister Hugs. and to create a comfort zone for people to go, to share, to spead time with others. When we think about the Norman Rockwell “Grandma’s House”, we think about cooking together, gardening together, hanging out together, grandma rocking the baby while mom gets some breathing time…all things that can get lost in today’s busy world. We want a place where people can go for a hug and a cup of coffee. Love will be plentiful, judgement left at the door. Our world needs us to act on this today.”

The amazing fact about kindness is that it is a win-win for both the giver and the receiver. As Peggy states, “Everyone who has ever delivered a Love Bomb or been connected to a project always talks about the fact that they end up receiving way more than they give. We refer to that as the boomerang effect. Everyone connected talks about what it does for their heart and how much they want to do it again.”

The boomerang effect is what chases your sadness away when you do something kind. Why not deliver your own Kindness Bomb to today? Perhaps, if you are too busy, Sister Hugs can pick up the baton and relay your kindness for you.

Thank you, Sister Hugs, for your passion and ability to mobilize a community to spread kindness to those that need a hug, to connect others together for great causes, and your positive Facebook messages. A Kindness Warrior is someone who uses love to change the world and someone who champions kindness in all they do. You are a true Kindness Warrior, an inspiration to us all! Thank you, Peggy, for your vision, your passion, and being a true kindness champion.

To find out more about Sister Hugs, follow their Facebook Page by clicking here.

Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories.  Please sign-up for almost weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook! 

When You Criticize, It Characterizes You

When my daughter asked me if I wanted to see the Trolls, I said, “Sure!”  I don’t especially enjoy cartoons but it is one of my daughter’s favorite movies so I accepted the invitation.  What a joyous evening listening to my granddaughters, ages 5 and 6, sing every word to every song while watching the movie.  If you haven’t seen the movie, the songs are a definite highlight.  The lead single, “Can’t Stop the Feeling,” won a Grammy award.

The movie has a great message.  It is best summarized by Princess Poppy in this quote: “Happiness isn’t something you put inside, it’s already there. Sometimes you just need someone to help you find it.”  The message is a good reminder for all of us.

After I watched the movie, I read the reviews.  Most reviews I read gave it a 4 out of 5.   However, there was one reviewer who gave it an “F,” saying it was a complete failure.  I was amazed. Did they really watch the same movie I did?  Sure, it is not the best movie ever produced but it was an uplifting kid’s movie.  Did the critic watch a different version?

The differences between the reviews are not different versions of the movie but the difference in the watchers.  The critic gets paid for judging but to criticize to the level he did, shows what lies in his heart.  One of his comments was the movie was “too sweet”. I personally love “too sweet” movies. Other comments were just too absurd to quote here.  The critic’s criticisms were distortions derived from his perspective. His criticisms really do say more about him than they did about the movie.

When we condemn, we are saying more about ourselves than about what we are criticizing.  To quote Dale Carnegie, “Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn–and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”

Next time you are about to criticize, why not stop and think about what your criticism is saying about you.  Is there a kinder way to handle the situation?   You really do get to know what is in a person’s heart when you aggregate their criticisms.   If hate and fear live in a heart, destructive criticism and negativity will run rampart in their words.

Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories.  Please sign-up for almost weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook! 

Everyone thinks they are kind, but how kind are you, really?  Live Kinder helps you consider how you can be kinder.  Order the book for yourself and others to help make our world a kinder place.

What Do Your Excuses Say About You?

   

I have come to realize that every emotion is based either in love or in fear.  Examples of the love based emotions are joy, peace, gratitude, and compassion.  Examples of fear emotions include sadness, anger, anxiety, and hatred.  You are either acting from a place of love or a place of fear.  When you understand this you have your own litmus test to understand your emotions and resulting actions.  Simple ask, “Are you acting from a place of fear or a place of love?”

Your excuses are sometimes used as justifications for not living from a place of love.   An example of an excuse born out of fear is the justification you don’t have to be nice to someone because the other person did something disrespectful to you.

My husband has given blood for years, but I always had excuses.  I don’t like needles and I might faint or the time is not right because I had something more important to do, were two of my favorite excuses.  Both of these were born from fear.  I faced my fear and gave blood for the first time. Guess what I didn’t faint and it took only 45 minutes from when I walked into the room until I walked out of the door.

Being kind sometimes means facing your fears and doing it anyway.  We think of being kind as giving money to a favorite charity or a gift to someone but kindness doesn’t have to cost money, you can give someone your time or even your blood.  This Valentine’s Day give a gift of life to a stranger.  It may mean the difference between life and death to a child fighting leukemia, someone having surgery or a police officer shot in the line of duty.  Isn’t that worth 45 minutes of your day?  When it is your turn to receive blood you will be grateful someone said no to their excuses.

Even on the road to giving blood, fear started taking hold by asking, “Why do you want to subject yourself to this unpleasantness?”   So, I had to change my thinking about giving blood.  Instead of being fearful about the process, I gave a prayer of gratitude that I am healthy enough to give blood while many in my age group are on medication that will not allow them to do so.  I also gave a prayer of thanks that, on this day, I am healthy so I can be the giver and not the receiver of blood.  I changed my thinking from a place of fear to a place of love for the person that will benefit from my donation.

Join me in giving the gift of life this month and add 10 points to your kindness score.  Don’t let your fears allow you to justify your excuses.

Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories.  Please sign-up for almost weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook! 

If you are in the southwest Missouri region,  you can find out more about donation blood by clicking here.

Kindness in China

My favorite kindness story is how I discovered kindness in China. I was in China for a week of work. My boss left on Friday but I stayed the weekend in Beijing to sightsee, as I desperately wanted to see the Great Wall of China. I was traveling all alone. When I was having breakfast on Saturday morning, I heard an angel voice say, take a “to go” breakfast for the tour guide.  So, I did. She was ecstatic. She asked me if I was a psychic, as she always eats breakfast but did not have time that particular morning. I thought: “Good, she’ll remember me and not forget me on the various stops on the tour.” It was not until later that I realized how important that small act of kindness was.

After a morning of sightseeing and lunch, we arrived at the Great Wall. We rode the chair lift to the top of the mountain and went our separate directions. I was so excited to be there, so enveloped in the history. As I was shooting photos, I slipped on black ice I did not see. Unfortunately, I broke my ankle. A different tour guide saw me and called an EMT who got me down the mountain and back to the bus. On my tour bus, two nurses from Singapore found a plastic bag and packed my foot in snow. The people on the tour voted to discontinue the tour, so I could get medical attention. That was so thoughtful and kind. They were taken back to their hotels.

The bus took me to a hospital. It was now 5:00 on a Saturday night, to my surprise the tour guide gave up her Saturday night to stay with me. Thank goodness she did as no one spoke English except the doctor. I had to pay as I go and there was no way I could walk with a broken ankle to the business office to pay several times for the x-rays, the doctor examination, medication and the cast. I gave the tour guide my credit card and she made the numerous trips to the business office so I could get treatment. She would bring the credit card slip back to sign each time. The doctor put a cast on my foot so I could depart for home the next day.  It was now 9:00 at night. The tour guide got me a ride, rode with me to the hotel, and had the concierge get me crutches. I’m not sure where they got the crutches at 10:00 on a Saturday night but I sure made good use of them.

It was one of those situations you worry about, needing medical attention in another country where most people can’t understand English. When it happens you just deal with it. I was so calm that day because I could feel the angels all around me. Every time I was worried about needing surgery, not being able to get home or not having anyone to get the money locked in my room safe of my hotel room if I was hospitalized, I would close my eyes and see myself on the plane, I knew everything would be ok. Heavenly peace is a wonderful gift.

I thanked the tour guide profusely and asked her why she stayed with me when she should have been at home with her young children. Her response was that our countries have not gotten along for over 500 years and she wanted me to go back to the US and tell everyone how kind the Chinese people are. And that was the first time I cried that day. I was so overwhelmed by her kindness. I really don’t know what I would have done without her. There was no one that spoke English to help me at the hospital.

The next day was a very snowy day. I had the hotel car take me to the airport. I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to get from the car to the United Airlines ticket counter with my luggage and crutches. The driver spoke absolutely no English, so I thought he would be of no help. To my surprise when I opened the car door at the airport there were three people there to meet me. One had a wheelchair, one took my luggage and the other was an interpreter. The driver had arranged it. That’s the thing about kindness anyone can be kind and make a difference to someone. I gave that driver a generous tip, I hoped he knew how much his kindness meant to me that very snowy January day. I was traveling alone but I had so many strangers go out of their way for me. So, the next time you see someone that does not speak English and needs help, would you help them, to help me pay it forward?

I also learned that when you find yourself in challenging circumstances, God will send angels to help you and to convey peace even in times of difficulty.

What is your favorite kindness story? Send your story to win a free gift.

Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories.  Please sign-up for almost weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook! 

Ask More Questions

My daughter, Becky, loves Christmas and surprises.  My son-in-law sent my daughter’s wish list to me.  One of the items was an avocado smasher, something I had never heard of before. I knew Becky loves kitchen gadgets, as she is a really good cook. I instantly thought of the pineapple corer that she had given us. I went to Google and looked up avocado smashers and I found one at William Sonoma which I know is a cook’s favorite store.  I ordered it and wrapped it for Christmas. On Christmas morning after opening her gift she asked, “What is this?”

I said, “It is your avocado smasher that was on your list.”

She said, “No, I meant a mortar and pestle, the kind they use in Mexican restaurants to make guacamole, that type of avocado smasher.”  We both had a good laugh.  We came to realize that we had different paradigms.

This is an example of how our paradigms influence our decisions.  I had a paradigm of a kitchen gadget while Becky had a paradigm of a Mexican restaurant. Both avocado smashers technically do the same thing, but they are different. Which one is right? They both are right and this is the point of the story. You may have different paradigms from someone else but that doesn’t necessarily make their viewpoint wrong; it just makes it different. This simplex example shows how important communication is. If it wasn’t a surprise I would’ve called her and asked her what she had in mind before I ordered it, but since it was a surprise, I wasn’t able to ask that question. Don’t always assume you’re viewpoint is the correct one or the only one. We all get locked in our paradigms from time to time. How do you break down the paradigms that may be blocking you from seeing the world from a different perspective? Ask a lot more questions; don’t just assume you’re right. It’s the kind thing to do.

For this New Year’s, why not make a resolution to ask more questions instead of assuming you’re the right one. Stop assuming the other person is wrong or has bad intentions.  Try to think why someone said a comment you do not agree with and then ask more questions. By doing so, you will be opening your mind and heart to a broader world and giving the other person’s perspective more consideration.  This is an easy way to increase your daily kindness score.

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Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories.  Please sign-up for almost weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook! 

What Do You See First: Imperfections or Beauty?

Early in 2017, I decided I would make my own tiles for my kitchen backsplash.  I never realize the hundreds of hours it would take to finish the project. I spent months testing clay and glaze combinations.  It took months to find the right glaze.  It took several kiln loads to figure out that differing clay bodies were causing variations in the finished glaze color.  In August, I lost a kiln load of tile because of few of the tiles were not dry enough when they were fired. The damp tiles exploded leaving unwanted bits on the hundreds of other tiles in the kiln, making them damaged and unusable. I was ready to give up; I was running out of time. The backsplash needed to be done before the home tour.  I went to the tile store to see if there was another choice that would be satisfactory for my kitchen. What I discovered, at the tile store, is that textured tiles in differing tones and textures looked beautiful and were in style. I realized by trying to have perfect tiles I was missing the opportunity to have a unique backsplash filled with tiles of different textures and tones.  I went home motivated to finish the backsplash by embracing the variations.  If I wanted perfect I would go buy manufactured tiles, but I needed handmade to make the backsplash uniquely mine.

Anyone working with clay tiles realizes the hardest part is drying the tile, so they dry evenly and flat. Their natural tendency is to curl as they dry.  As the tiles went on the wall it seemed that more and more of the imperfections could be seen. Thankfully, the grouting and the polishing helped to improve their appearance.  Every day I fell more in love with the backsplash, but they were far from what some people would judge as “perfect.” I was worrying way too much what others would think with their perfection filter. Then something amazing happened; The Holy Spirit talked to me one day. The Holy Spirit said, “Think of each tile as a person, each uniquely different, some with more roughness, others more smooth.”  I came to realize that life isn’t supposed to be perfect.

When the grout was added it made each of the individual tiles more beautiful than just one single one alone. It became a beautiful mosaic.  I realized it is like God’s love that ties us together and helps to get rid of our rough edges, some tiles (or people) need more love to tie us together than others.  When the tiles were polished, it is similar to how each of us can shine in God’s love.  Some of us shine more than others but in God’s love, we all shine a little brighter, right where we are.

I’ve come to love my backsplash, I never see the imperfections, I just see the overall beauty and the patterns of light that reflect from it.  It also helped that the home tour provided such favorable feedback.

What do you see first, the imperfections or the beauty?  Make 2018 a year where you stop focusing on the imperfections and start focusing on the beauty found around and within us all.

Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories.  Please sign-up for almost weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook! 

Maxine and Kindness

 

Maxine is a Hallmark Card character, known as the queen of crabbiness. In her words, “I yell it like it is, and if I don’t like how it is, I yell it like it ought to be.”  Maxine is not someone you associate with kindness, but when I recently saw her play, “A Maxine Christmas Carol,” it made me realized how important kindness really is. The first act was full of crabbiness. There were minutes of truth that were quite funny but the play did a great job in showing Maxine’s crabby side almost to the point of being uncomfortable.

For me the second act focused on two kindness themes.  The first theme is that we all can make a difference in someone’s life no matter what our job.  We all can enable a miracle for someone or at least bring a moment of joy.  To do so, we need to step out the patterns of our life and sometimes rules need to bend. An example is Monica, who was bold to dress like Maxine to the play. Monica brought joy that day to the people in lobby and even took pictures with some of the fellow audience members. When you looked at her, you just had to smile. What fun she had by not being herself.

It is not hard to have memorable days with friends, but many times we just don’t bother.  Thanks to Sharon for arranging that fun day. A day we will all remember with fondness. How can you bring joy to a friend?

The second kindness theme was about being kind to yourself so you can be kind to others. It was evident that Maxine was crabby and miserable because she was miserable inside. In the second act, she learned to be more vulnerable with friends and family. Part of the reason she has such a hard facade is because she wanted to ensure she wasn’t hurt. The problem with having such a hard shell is that it prevents love from entering. Maxine had to be kind to herself before she could be kind to others.  She had to accept being vulnerable to find more connection with those in her life.

We see what we look for, if you look to see what is wrong, that is what you will see.  When you put kindness in the world that is what will come back to you.

Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories.  Please sign-up for almost weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook! 

Expressing Kindness When It is Difficult

        Most of the time it is easy to be kind, but what about those times when it is not so easy. How about when someone makes a mistake and almost kills you?  Most people would say you are justified to scream, yell and be unkind.

        Veronica found herself in that situation. She was on her way to Florida for a vacation, when she and her husband, only two hours from home, were struck in a head-on collision.  A man was looking at his GPS and swerved into the wrong lane of traffic, hitting Veronica’s car. Veronica and her husband were luckily not hurt. They were inches from being killed.

         What would you do? Societal norms would say yelling and screaming would be acceptable.  However, Veronica thought this would be the time to try kindness.  She told me because of what she read on my blog only two days earlier she knew she needed to be kind. She said if she hadn’t read my blog she might have succumbed to screaming and yelling, as most people do when they have had such a scare.  She wanted to make the driver feel really bad about what he inadvertently did by being distracted while driving at 65 mph.  However, she realized the wayward driver was truly upset and yelling at him would not change the situation.  Unkind words would only make a bad situation worse. She was grateful they were all right.  She told the driver that, yes, they did miss their vacation, but, since they were retired they will go another time.  She did ask the driver to learn from his mistake, so it never happens to anyone else. Veronica told me, ” I still don’t know why what I had read on your blog just popped into my mind at that minute and instead of trying to make him feel worse I knew I needed to be kind and try to make him feel better. “

Kindness is often difficult when an unfortunate situation happens, but in Veronica’s words, “Sometimes we just need to stop and think before we say something. It is funny sometimes how one person can affect another’s thinking and it can be a chain reaction.”  

Thank you, Veronica, for sharing your story and your kindness.  When I hear how LiveKinder has helped to bring kindness into the world, it makes my heart sing.  

Please consider sharing your kindness story and you will receive a free “Live Kinder” book.

Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories.  Please sign-up for almost weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook! 

The Hummingbird Bully

Last year we placed a hummingbird feeder in our yard.  It was interesting to watch the different species of hummingbirds enjoy the nectar.  This year was quite different. We had an overly aggressive hummingbird bully. Anytime an invader flew by the feeder the bully would fiercely defend the feeder.  Mr. Bully would perch on a nearby branch and anytime an intruder showed up he would chase it away. If that did not work, he would dive at the other bird. His competitor did not have a chance. Hummingbirds are sometimes very territorial. In order to protect the food source, they do whatever they can to defend it for their own kind or even just for themselves.  Mr. Bully was very dominant denying other hummers a chance, especially, if the competitor was a female or a male of a different species.

The aggressive behavior of Mr. Bully seemed so unnecessary.  There were many times I told Mr. Bully we had plenty of nectar for all, but always to no avail.  He didn’t need to worry about his next meal, we would take care of him and all the other hummers. Then, it hit me that must be what God thinks when he looks down on all us.  Why do we live within a scarcity mentality?   Unlike Mr. Hummingbird Bully, we know we should share and live by the Golden Rule.  We often live in fear of others taking what we have. Building a wall between countries is really no different than Mr. Bully not allowing other hummers to drink from the tube feeder.  Both actions are built on the fear there will not be enough tomorrow.  Scarcity and lack drive our thinking, but God’s world of abundance, generosity and love is all around of us. It is there for all of us to choose instead of the serpent’s world of scarcity, suspicion and hostility. It’s a choice we make every day.

Further Discussion

Scarcity and lack mentality drive our fears that there will never be enough. “In The Soul of Money,” Lynne Twist challenges us to look closely at these assumptions. There is no simple fix. But it we take time to examine our drivers, we can make a better world.  Lynne Twist has found ways to replace a sense of scarcity with a more-positive understanding of sufficiency and the freedom that awareness provides.

Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories.  

Please sign-up for almost weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook! 

Caring hearts are available for purchase, in order for you to honor the kind people in your life.