Barb

“Despite our differences, much more unites us than divides us.”  Senator McCain

I just finished reading John McCain’s last book, “The Restless Wave.”  I believe anyone interested in American politics should read this book.   I have always been an independent voter, so I have a difficult time comprehending why being a Republican or a Democrat today has become the guiding principle for so many people in our divided country.  It appears, party affiliation influences thought and action more so than religious principles.  After reading, “The Restless Wave,” I believe John McCain was driven by his principles and placed them above his party. He fought and dedicated his life to his principles.  He did not always vote the party line; he would not support policies that did not comport with his morals.

While I do not agree with John McCain on all his opinions, I do have great respect for him.  I believe he was a statesman and a patriot.   We have many politicians today, but not many statesmen.  I define a politician as someone who is in politics and mind set is a zero-sum game.   While a statesman is someone skilled in politics and looks for a “win-win solution.  A statesman finds resolutions to problems based on the common ground of love of country, mutual respects for all constituents, and a desire for a better future.  John McCain had an unwavering commitment to collaboration and working across the aisle for the good of the nation. He understood that you need to seek bipartisanship to tackle the large problems.  “But we’re at a place in our political history when passing legislation through the House with bipartisan support is considered by some folks a greater evil than the problem it’s intended to solve,’ as John McCain stated in “The Restless Wave.”

“The Restless Wave,” gave us insight on how John McCain lived his principles inspiring us to live our principles; principles are more important than any political party demands. There is nothing that divides a country more than politics, especially when we see the other party as a threat to the nation’s well-being.  Are you contributing to making the divide larger?  Are you able to understand different perspectives or do you dismiss someone because they have a different viewpoint?  Do you jump to a place of fear, saying someone, not like you, will ruin our country?    I was reading a post by a lady that was put in a personal predicament, not at all political in nature.  The comments were complimentary on how well she handled the situation and others gave her further advice.  Unfortunately, there was one comment, blaming everything on a political party obviously different from the reviewer, though he said it with colorful language. Is this really what we have become? When something goes wrong, it is automatically thought to be the fault of the other party, either the Democrats or the Republicans?  By blaming what we fear on the other party, we stop seeing others as individuals, as humans.  It has also become an excuse for not taking responsibility.

We will never agree on everything; but we need ensure what we do believe is based on sound principles and respect for each other enough to have the discourse.  According to Wikipedia, “McCain was one of five Republicans most likely to vote in line with President Obama’s position on legislation.” Principles were more important to him than the party position.  Senator McCain related the story of how President Obama summoned him to his presidential office for the sake of understanding his perspective on an issue he vehemently opposed.  John McCain stated after the discourse neither of them changed their perspective, but the discourse allowed them to understand the opposing view.  When we respect each other, we seek to understand their position which aids in moving toward a common good.  “Acknowledging shared values can see us through our challenges today if we have the wisdom to trust in them again.”  John McCain

My favorite quote from the “Restless Wave:” “It is your character, and your character alone, that will make your life happy or unhappy.”

Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories.  Please sign-up for almost weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook! 

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1501178008/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=liveki-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1501178008&linkId=857ea8340057b9eb39c86e8b8682fab4

My husband and I are having quite an adventure.  We were chosen to drive a new Winnebago RV to Alaska. It was not on our bucket list but when we were given the opportunity, we were very excited to say, “Yes!”  In this case, it is about the journey AND the destination.

What has been amazing are the different reactions we received from different people when we told them our plans.  Most people saw it as the adventure it is and embraced our joy whether it was something they would enjoy doing.   One of my friends, who lives in Alaska in the summer, gave us wonderful information about possible routes and must do stops.  Then, there are those that exposed their fears through their voiced concerns, some of which I shared initially. These concerns ranged from:

Where are you going to stay?  – route and reservations made

Running out of gas – we have the latest issue of the “Alaska Milepost” with every gas station identified

Weather – out of our control

Cleanliness – we will be the first to stay overnight in the RV

Driving a big rig – my husband is great at towing and backing up a boat. He did great last summer when we rented a camper if you don’t count the time he nudged the camper parked behind us.  We took out the extra insurance to give us piece of mind.

Sitting too long – many hikes are planned

Being bored – I’m looking forward to being unplugged, books are packed as is my fully loaded kindle. I’m enjoying having time for meditating, writing and maybe needle crafting.  The scenery has been breath-taking.

I had expected the above concerns. However, there was one serious response that took me by surprise, “Oh, Barb, why are you acting so old? How could you turn into an old person?”  Getting old is not one of my fears, I have learned you need to embrace the seasons of your life to find joy.  Watching my parents age, I learned to do while you still can. This trip is quite an adventure and not for the faint-hearted.  Even though we met a couple that has done this trip fourteen times, I’m glad we are doing it now. There is no better way of feeling young at heart than having new experiences, sure beats watching TV.

We all have different perspectives based on our past and our personalities. We judge others based on our perspectives. It is so easy to project our fears onto others. So, thanks to the many that supported our adventure, especially those that have no desire to do it. So far, it has been as wonderful as you all imagine it would be.  I am very grateful.

Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories.  Please sign-up for almost weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook! 

This week’s post was written by Gail Denham. I asked her why she wrote, “It All Began with a Turkey Sub.”  She stated, “The homeless situation is endless and unanswerable. It occurs to me that many just need a permanent address, encouragement and some hope. A few have beat the odds.”

It All Began with A Turkey Sub

Frank stared at the vision who layered turkey and cucumbers on a six i-ch whole wheat loaf. Light from the fly-specked windows revealed auburn streaks through her dark-brown hair. Frank noticed a few gray hairs.

Yet the woman’s face was smooth. Maybe she’s prematurely gray. “Remember, lots of cucumbers,” Frank reminded, wanting to say something, even if it were veggie talk. “Oh, and mayo, that grainy mustard, tomato, and cheese.”

She handed Frank the sandwich. He nearly dropped it. His arthritis fingers felt the cold weather. His small gas heater didn’t keep his tent warm. But he was thankful to have a tent in a safe place.

All through lunch, Frank sneaked peeks at the gal making subs. She smiled a lot. If only. Naw! He had lots of nothing to offer. Lunch today was an unusual treat. He’d found a black bag full of refundable bottles near a trash can. He could afford lunch. No soda, only water, and a warm place to sit. He dug in pockets, tried to find a tip.

Then she was there, beside his booth. “Thought you could use this extra sandwich. New guy made it wrong. We’d toss it out.”

How did she know? This vision of lovely guessed he was broke. Sure he’d tried hard to find work. Years back he’d nearly finished college when the downturn hit. Only choice was the service. Six long years and all he had to show for it was nothing but fragments in his leg. Now he attended night classes. With luck, he’d finish in a couple years. He walked to classes, couldn’t afford the bus. He studied by lantern light.

The woman held out the foot long. His face and ears burned. Charity. “Don’t mean to offend,”she said softly. As if meals at the mission didn’t humiliate enough.

“No worries,” he murmured. “Thanks.”

Still she lingered. “I’m Emmy, short for Emily. No offense meant. Honest, I know what you’re going through. I’ve been there.”

Frank tried to smile. She was so darn cute. When she grinned, he could see wrinkles at her eyes. But that smile. Wow.

“Thanks Emmy. I’m Frank. Yes, I can use this extra. How long have you worked here?”

“About eight months,” Emmy said. “Finally got a room with an older lady. I help her clean. She provides room and breakfast. Can’t complain.”

Easier for women,” Frank thought. Can’t see anyone giving me a room.

Heck, why be negative. When someone is nice and so cute.

“Listen Frank. Come by tomorrow for lunch. I’ll save any extras.” Emmy blurted out. “Owner doesn’t care. He’s a good guy, started from the bottom too. Actually he sometimes acts as if he likes me a bit too much, if you get my meaning.” Emmy giggled. “I’m going out on a limb here,” Emily went on. “Maybe we could visit the art museum when I get off around two. I’m studying art.”

She was bold too. Frank liked that. And why not? It was warm in the art museum. “I’m taking classes,” Frank offered. “It’s hard, since I live pretty simple. Well, I live in a tent is the truth.”

“I’d like to hear about your studies,” Emmy said, shyly. “I have trouble staying focused. I need a friend to talk to.”

Friend! Frank had none. Hard to invite anyone to visit when you live in a tent. “Sure. I’d like that. Tomorrow then.” Frank could hardly swallow. She wanted to be his friend.

He’d get a good shower tonight at the mission. Most of the time he avoided their showers in the evenings. So many guys with drug problems or worse. Listen to him. Trying to pass himself off as better than other homeless.

“See you tomorrow,” he told Emmy. “Thanks for the extra. But it’s your cheerful smile that made my day.” If he found enough bottles, he could spring for espressos at the café over on Hyde, after the art museum. Frank walked slow toward the door. When he looked back, Emmy was watching. His heart skipped a beat.

I’ll borrow a sharper razor and shampoo. Sun warmed his head. This was one special day. Wonder if St. Vincent would have nice jeans and socks. And a shirt – even pink. Don’t think Emmy will mind. With fresh clothes, he’d put in another job application in the morning. He’d keep trying. Especially now he felt hope again.

Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories.  Please sign-up for almost weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook! 

“What you see reflects your thinking, and your thinking but reflects the choice of what you want to see.” – ACIM

Our legal system is based on the premise that you are innocent until proven guilty.  The presumption of innocence is that the accuser holds the burden of proof that the accused did the crime. Assumptions made can be wrong when facts are brought to light.

It seems we are all too ready to judge these days, as illustrated by this simplex example. One of my friends was troubled because my husband took down his Facebook post.  She was sure it was because he misunderstood her comment.  I was very perplexed because my husband doesn’t post.  He only has a Facebook page because my daughter set it up for him.

When I returned home, I asked him. He said he was messaging with our granddaughter, who just acquired a tablet.  I have no idea how he did it, but he accidentally posted a snap chat picture and then removed it as soon as he realized it.  My friend, not knowing my husband very well, made a wrong assumption of his intention.

Our perceptions are based on our past experiences and what we assume.  We never know what is in another’s heart, but we assume we do. We assume we know someone’s intention; our ego too often convinces us to think the worse. Our thinking does influence what we see.  Perhaps, we should try harder to see the innocence.

In a world where the court of public opinion are fast to find you guilty if you are from the opposite political party;  in a world where you are judged by your latest Instagram picture; in a world where you judge every post instantly on Facebook whether it is “like” worthy;  maybe, just maybe we should try to see the other side of the coin, maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to judge.  Maybe we should not be so fast to assume the worse. Maybe we should be slower to judge and faster to love.

We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.  Anasis Nin

Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories.  Please sign-up for almost weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook! 

“Never allow any obstacle or adversity to define who you are.”  Chris Mitchell

Today, I am proud to announce the first “Celebrating Your Life” award. I created this award when I heard the remarkable story of Chris Mitchell. What he has overcome is astounding and truly inspirational.

Chris’s mother was exposed to the German measles which caused Chris to be born with several imperfections. He was born with cataracts which resulted in him being legally blind, a constricted aorta, and with some of his intestines resided outside of his body.  When he finally started to talk, his severe speech impediment was evident.

In addition to his physical challenges, he also had mental challenges including a verbally abusive father. He was diagnosed with ADHD. His ADHD contributed to his struggles and setbacks including being expelled from high school and college.

He overcame these obstacles.  He convinced an internet provider to institute a college internship.  After the semester the company offered him a part-time job even though they were not hiring at the time. In spite of his being legally blind, he has done a variety of jobs including radio announcer and web designer.

As an adult, Chris had an ischemic stroke to his spinal cord which took away his ability to walk, stand or even feed himself. This was his biggest challenge especially because he was engaged to be married.  With the help of his fiance (now wife), he fought hard to regain his ability to feed himself, the ability to walk again and try to get back his independence.  He has written an autobiography and he now inspire others to conquer their challenges.

It has not been an easy life.  Chris has asked himself, “WHY ME?”  However, he never gave up, he figured out how to move on and to triumph over his obstacles.  He found hope in his faith.

In Chris’s words, “God has a reason why he allowed this to happen in my life and if I search for the answer while allowing God to guide my steps, I knew I will find it in time. It took me years of searching and contemplating, but I now know that every one of my imperfections were given to me for a very special reason – and that is to make a positive difference in other people’s lives. Today every health issue I faced as a child has given me the ability to both be empathetic and connect with people I meet who have failing health challenges or disabilities. Today I use all the trouble that my ADHD and/or stubbornness got me into to mentor young people.  Using those experiences, I show them that we all make mistakes. I also share with them that regardless of the size of our mistakes, those bad decisions do not have to define who we are.Today I use the struggles I faced as I fought to get my life back after my ischemic stroke to my spinal cord to inspire others to overcome any adversities in their lives.”

If you want to know more about Chris, you can checkout his website: https://imchrismitchell.com/

 

Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories.  Please sign-up for almost weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook! 

“Embracing your chaos might be the path to finding peace.”  Rachel Hollis

I recently read the #1 New York Times best-selling book, “Girl, Wash Your Face,” written by Rachel Hollis who was named by Inc. Magazine as one of the “Top 30 Entrepreneurs under 30.”

Her book is a self-help book focusing on how women, especially moms, can effect change in their own lives. People either love or hate her book.  She has almost 10,000 reviews on Amazon and 82% gave her 5 stars out of 5; but 9% gave her only one star.  In my opinion, the one-star reviews say more about the reviewers than the book.  Even though I am not the target audience (no one has called me girl recently); I found a lot to ponder.

My favorite quote of the book, “I’m not going to talk about finding your peace; I’m going to talk about embracing your chaos…Ironically, I think embracing your chaos might be the path to finding peace.” We all have chaos in our lives, when a child spills milk or a bird poops on us, when we get a flat tire or other unplanned incidents. Chaotic incidents are part of life.  Rachel explained we deal with chaos and the resulting stress in three ways: we ignore it, battle it, or drown in it.

We ignore the chaos by pretending it is not there.  We work harder and harder.  We push through it, telling ourselves we can muddle through it.  In the short term this can work. The problem is the effect the stress has on your body in the long term.  It can show up as hives, insomnia, in a myriad of other ways, or in Rachel’s case as Bell’s palsy.

The second way we deal with chaos is by battling it. We sometimes battle it on a different field from where it originated.  We clean everything in sight. We do everything to look picture perfect, hoping we can get our inside to match our perfect outside.  The trouble with the battle is we will eventually lose.  We believe we can do enough or organize enough or plan enough to make sure nothing is difficult.  However, we will only make ourselves feel like a failure when life is too challenging, and chaos happens.  In the end, it makes us angry; we feel out of control and disappointed.

The third way we deal with the stress of chaos is to drown in it.  We get overwhelmed, we see stress everywhere, it feels insurmountable.  It never gets better, so we wallow, we complain, we crawl under the covers and let chaos win.   In the short term, a long nap may energize us.  In the long term, if we don’t get up and swim, we drown.

Rachel states the problem with all these things is that it implies you are the one in control.  To some extent that is true and is the main theme of her book.  You are in control of yourself.  The problem is you cannot control the actions of others: the dog throwing-up, the serviceman showing up late, the storm blowing of your roof shingles, your friend not using the right emoji in a text message, or a thousand of other unplanned acts.  When you think you can control others, you’ll find yourself angry, frustrated, disrespected and stressed. When you can’t control others, anger and hate replace empathy and hope.

Another of Rachel’s wise quotes, “When you assume you’re in total control, you don’t take time to seek out a relationship with God, you use alternate means to try and manufacturer some peace.”  I believe peace, joy and contentment come from God’s love that resides in your soul.  When you live with God’s love in your heart, you can embrace the chaos and choose peace.

Rachel advises, “Remember that someone else is praying to have the kind of chaos you’re crying about.  What I mean is, the things you think are so difficult could be someone else’s dream come true.  I don’t say that to make you feel bad, or to negate your difficult experience; but perspective may help you see your chaos is a gigantic blessing.  Adjusting your view can work wonders.”  This advice has helped me.

So, when things don’t go as planned, how do you deal with chaos?  Rachel’s advice, “Start by giving yourself some grace.”  Start by being kind to yourself.  Find your peace in God’s love.

 

Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories.  Please sign-up for almost weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook!