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Monthly Archives: December 2019

The Weary World Rejoices

My mom is almost 96 years old and life is a challenge. She has lost almost all her friends and many family members including her two brothers   She ended up in the hospital for 10 days and rehab for 16 days and has returned to her assisted living struggling.  I love my mom unconditionally, so I try to call her every day when I am not with her; as phone calls and visits are the only thing she looks forward to. It is difficult to have someone you love so miserable. My mom has been wonderful, caring person and to see her change into someone I don’t recognize is heart-breaking. 

I need to have a way to recharge, so I have more love to give her.  I needed to find some Christmas cheer. As difficult as it is; I refuse to allow complaining people take my peace away.  So, I prayed, and the answer for this month is to watch Hallmark Christmas Movies.

My friends have been telling me for years about how much they enjoy Hallmark movies, especially the Christmas ones.  I would watch one or two but not really understand their obsession.  Then, my daughter got hooked and even got the app to keep track of the ones she’s seen and know which ones to record.  It is tv programming that four generations can watch together.  I became hooked and even my husband asks if I want to watch one together, though he won’t admit in public.  Some days I’m fine, some days I need one movie, and some days I may need to watch two movies until my inner peace returns.  After I watch a Hallmark Christmas movie or two, I am always in a better place than I was before I watched them.  I believe they have become so addictive to many because they are an antidote to the hate and anger that permeates the world.    

The movies aren’t always realistic, only in the movies will a car have no caked ice and very little snow on it, even when there was a storm that raged for more than a day.  They show a world where people have civilized conversations, even when they are being dumped by the person they may or may not love.  Anger and aggression are not displayed. Conversations are used to fix problems or to fix misinterpretations of actions.  But come to think about It, they are as realistic as Facebook or Instagram accounts that only show the happy faces around the Christmas tree.  A slice of life that is heartwarming.

These movies are always predictable.  You need 5 to 10 minutes to know the conflict, plot and the conclusion. The Magic of Christmas or sometimes it is referred to as the Miracle of Christmas permeates every movie. The magic or miracle of Christmas is the source of more meaningful lives for those portrayed in the movie. The heroine’s life projection is changed because of Christmas.  The characters’ lives change because they just needed Christmas Love to realize what has always been in their heart. The characters learn that when you can surround yourself with happy people, you can bring the love in your heart, into your own life.

After I watch a movie, I feel the peace, hope and joy of Christmas fill my heart.  It is my way of remembering the sweetness of Christmas but, in reality, it is the joy of Jesus Christ.  Hallmark Christmas Movies have become a way for the weary world to rejoice. Christmas is wonderful time to have Jesus fill your heart with hope, peace and love to find your one Christmas miracle.  Thank you, Hallmark, for helping me rejoice this Christmas; your movies have become my anti-depressant, my respite. 

Now, I need to call my mom and see if she remembers the Christmas I wanted an Ironing board and iron.  What was I thinking?

Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories. Please sign-up for almost weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook! 

Forgiveness

What does forgiveness have to do with kindness?  Forgiveness of others is one of the kindness things we can do for ourselves. It is the way to move past hurt from the smallest slight to biggest betrayal. When we can move from hurt to forgiveness it is the gift, we give to ourselves. As described by Thomas G. Fiffer, there are 4 types of forgiveness. 

  • Dismissive forgiveness is the lowest level of forgiveness.  Dismissive forgiveness is about a person moving on from a person that has caused damage to their mental peace. The forgiver draws a permanent boundary to the person who hurt and won’t allow them in their life afterwards. For this to be forgiveness, you walk away without carrying the burdens of hatred, resentment, or the need for vindication. Dismissive forgiveness offers the greatest benefit to the forgiver and the least to the forgiven, who is usually cut out or marginalized from the forgiver’s life. This is often used when the forgiver sees no hope of the forgiven to change.  Sometimes this is a first step when the forgiven accepts no responsibility in the hurt they caused.
  • Conditional Forgiveness – Conditional forgiveness is an act of forgiving the person with some doubt on their future actions. The person who has caused the hurt would be tested for their loyalty often. They must understand the hurt they have caused and be willing to correct their actions. If one can correct their mistakes, then the relationship may return to the state of trust.
  • Unconditional forgiveness is a higher level of forgiveness.  It can only happen when the relationship is based on trust and love.  It involves a lot of compassion to understand what the other person has been through. The grievance is seen as a misjudgment and is independent of the person. It means giving a person a fresh start.  Unconditional forgiveness requires a high level of trust—both in the offender not to hurt again and in us not to allow the hurt to continue to hang over the relationship like a dark cloud. It is the most difficult type of forgiveness to practice but can also be the most rewarding. Unconditional forgiveness offers the greatest benefit to both parties, because it has the power to fully restore a broken relationship.
  • The fourth level is Grace. Grace is not ours to give but God’s as shown in this example.  My friend had worked through her pain and hurt of having a father who did unspeakable acts of emotional and physical abuse. She had reached the level of unconditional forgiveness and looked forward to sharing this with her father. She arranged a fishing day to celebrate her birthday and her healing.  Fishing with her father reminded her of happier times of her childhood. She did have some trepidation that her father would argue about his past transgressions, but she knew she had reached a new level of healing and wanted to progress their relationship.  Being in the moment, she took a panoramic photo of the beautiful scenery. As her camera landed on her father’s face, she realized that her plan on sharing the gifts she had received from his transgressions no longer mattered.  She felt the healing grace of God transcend her and her past grievances had dissolved.  She felt God’s healing power filled her with a peace she never experienced, a peace she was searching for. 

 In the words of Anne Lamott: “I do not understand the mystery of grace—only that it meets us where we are and does not leave us where it found us.”  When we strive to forgive and extend love to the person in need of forgiveness, we can experience God’s kindness through his Grace ourselves, that is the power of forgiveness.  

Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories. Please sign-up for almost weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook! 

Tidings of Comfort and Joy

We sometimes forget at Christmas that the season might not be merry for everyone.  This is a letter I sent to a friend who recently lost her mother.

I wanted you to know that I have been thinking of you this Christmas season. Though I don’t know exactly how you feel, I have learned that the first Christmas without a loved one is a difficult time.  The holidays can seem more like something to survive than to enjoy.  Sadness fills your heart.

Every year after Thanksgiving for many years, we go to Chicago to see Santa and the holiday windows at Marshall Fields, now Macy’s. We have lunch in the famous Walnut room.  We buy our Frango mints and do some shopping.  We have a wonderful dinner at Chinatown, but the best part of the day is just enjoying being together as a family.  The picture is how we wove the memory of Brian into our Christmas tradition.  We go to the Christkindlmarket and share a slice or two of poppy seed strudel and hot chocolate. It was what my son, Brian, loved to do and even seven years after his death we are still doing it.  It is our way of knowing that he is not forgotten, as we keep his memory alive.  It helps me to know that he won’t be forgotten; that his love transcends place and time.  It brings me a peace that is hard to describe.

I have learned that people all mourn differently, but what is important is that your loved one is remembered and loved.  So today, I prayed a prayer a Thanksgiving for your mom.  I am thankful your mom gave you such happy Christmas memories in your heart.  I don’t know how to take away your pain, but I do want you to know how much we love you and I know your mom’s love and impact lives on, through you.  Wishing you tidings of comfort and joy.

Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories.  Please sign-up for almost weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook!