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Monthly Archives: December 2017

Ask More Questions

My daughter, Becky, loves Christmas and surprises.  My son-in-law sent my daughter’s wish list to me.  One of the items was an avocado smasher, something I had never heard of before. I knew Becky loves kitchen gadgets, as she is a really good cook. I instantly thought of the pineapple corer that she had given us. I went to Google and looked up avocado smashers and I found one at William Sonoma which I know is a cook’s favorite store.  I ordered it and wrapped it for Christmas. On Christmas morning after opening her gift she asked, “What is this?”

I said, “It is your avocado smasher that was on your list.”

She said, “No, I meant a mortar and pestle, the kind they use in Mexican restaurants to make guacamole, that type of avocado smasher.”  We both had a good laugh.  We came to realize that we had different paradigms.

This is an example of how our paradigms influence our decisions.  I had a paradigm of a kitchen gadget while Becky had a paradigm of a Mexican restaurant. Both avocado smashers technically do the same thing, but they are different. Which one is right? They both are right and this is the point of the story. You may have different paradigms from someone else but that doesn’t necessarily make their viewpoint wrong; it just makes it different. This simplex example shows how important communication is. If it wasn’t a surprise I would’ve called her and asked her what she had in mind before I ordered it, but since it was a surprise, I wasn’t able to ask that question. Don’t always assume you’re viewpoint is the correct one or the only one. We all get locked in our paradigms from time to time. How do you break down the paradigms that may be blocking you from seeing the world from a different perspective? Ask a lot more questions; don’t just assume you’re right. It’s the kind thing to do.

For this New Year’s, why not make a resolution to ask more questions instead of assuming you’re the right one. Stop assuming the other person is wrong or has bad intentions.  Try to think why someone said a comment you do not agree with and then ask more questions. By doing so, you will be opening your mind and heart to a broader world and giving the other person’s perspective more consideration.  This is an easy way to increase your daily kindness score.

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Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories.  Please sign-up for almost weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook! 

What Do You See First: Imperfections or Beauty?

Early in 2017, I decided I would make my own tiles for my kitchen backsplash.  I never realize the hundreds of hours it would take to finish the project. I spent months testing clay and glaze combinations.  It took months to find the right glaze.  It took several kiln loads to figure out that differing clay bodies were causing variations in the finished glaze color.  In August, I lost a kiln load of tile because of few of the tiles were not dry enough when they were fired. The damp tiles exploded leaving unwanted bits on the hundreds of other tiles in the kiln, making them damaged and unusable. I was ready to give up; I was running out of time. The backsplash needed to be done before the home tour.  I went to the tile store to see if there was another choice that would be satisfactory for my kitchen. What I discovered, at the tile store, is that textured tiles in differing tones and textures looked beautiful and were in style. I realized by trying to have perfect tiles I was missing the opportunity to have a unique backsplash filled with tiles of different textures and tones.  I went home motivated to finish the backsplash by embracing the variations.  If I wanted perfect I would go buy manufactured tiles, but I needed handmade to make the backsplash uniquely mine.

Anyone working with clay tiles realizes the hardest part is drying the tile, so they dry evenly and flat. Their natural tendency is to curl as they dry.  As the tiles went on the wall it seemed that more and more of the imperfections could be seen. Thankfully, the grouting and the polishing helped to improve their appearance.  Every day I fell more in love with the backsplash, but they were far from what some people would judge as “perfect.” I was worrying way too much what others would think with their perfection filter. Then something amazing happened; The Holy Spirit talked to me one day. The Holy Spirit said, “Think of each tile as a person, each uniquely different, some with more roughness, others more smooth.”  I came to realize that life isn’t supposed to be perfect.

When the grout was added it made each of the individual tiles more beautiful than just one single one alone. It became a beautiful mosaic.  I realized it is like God’s love that ties us together and helps to get rid of our rough edges, some tiles (or people) need more love to tie us together than others.  When the tiles were polished, it is similar to how each of us can shine in God’s love.  Some of us shine more than others but in God’s love, we all shine a little brighter, right where we are.

I’ve come to love my backsplash, I never see the imperfections, I just see the overall beauty and the patterns of light that reflect from it.  It also helped that the home tour provided such favorable feedback.

What do you see first, the imperfections or the beauty?  Make 2018 a year where you stop focusing on the imperfections and start focusing on the beauty found around and within us all.

Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories.  Please sign-up for almost weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook! 

Maxine and Kindness

 

Maxine is a Hallmark Card character, known as the queen of crabbiness. In her words, “I yell it like it is, and if I don’t like how it is, I yell it like it ought to be.”  Maxine is not someone you associate with kindness, but when I recently saw her play, “A Maxine Christmas Carol,” it made me realized how important kindness really is. The first act was full of crabbiness. There were minutes of truth that were quite funny but the play did a great job in showing Maxine’s crabby side almost to the point of being uncomfortable.

For me the second act focused on two kindness themes.  The first theme is that we all can make a difference in someone’s life no matter what our job.  We all can enable a miracle for someone or at least bring a moment of joy.  To do so, we need to step out the patterns of our life and sometimes rules need to bend. An example is Monica, who was bold to dress like Maxine to the play. Monica brought joy that day to the people in lobby and even took pictures with some of the fellow audience members. When you looked at her, you just had to smile. What fun she had by not being herself.

It is not hard to have memorable days with friends, but many times we just don’t bother.  Thanks to Sharon for arranging that fun day. A day we will all remember with fondness. How can you bring joy to a friend?

The second kindness theme was about being kind to yourself so you can be kind to others. It was evident that Maxine was crabby and miserable because she was miserable inside. In the second act, she learned to be more vulnerable with friends and family. Part of the reason she has such a hard facade is because she wanted to ensure she wasn’t hurt. The problem with having such a hard shell is that it prevents love from entering. Maxine had to be kind to herself before she could be kind to others.  She had to accept being vulnerable to find more connection with those in her life.

We see what we look for, if you look to see what is wrong, that is what you will see.  When you put kindness in the world that is what will come back to you.

Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories.  Please sign-up for almost weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook!