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Monthly Archives: August 2017

How Does Your Life Define Who You Are?

I love biographies.  It is fascinating how people discover their current path.  Some people use their past as an excuse; not Nicole.  Her childhood was far from ideal.  You can read about Nicole on her website here.  She overcame her childhood to graduate from the University of Wisconsin, to become Miss Wisconsin, to be a news anchor,  and a newspaper columnist.  This is a very impressive list of accomplishments when you consider her troubled beginning. Many times we have very little control over what happens to us but we can control how we react to it.  We determine whether our circumstances control us or we overcome them.  We make the choice.

Thank goodness Nicole made the choice to live in kindness and report on kindness in her newspaper column and kindness blog.  You can tell from her stories she has a caring heart, but her influence goes far beyond her friends, she is a true kindness advocate. She is changing the world with her kindness reporting.

In her own words:  “When I close my eyes, I see all of the people on Earth standing and staring at the sky. Only they aren’t looking at the real sky, they are looking at a huge black tarp blacking out the light. Each time someone does an act of kindness, a tiny pin size hole is poked into that big, black tarp, allowing in a speck of light. Someone notices the light and does another act of kindness, creating yet another little hole. Someone sees that new light, realizes what is happening and starts creating more little openings for a light through their own acts of kindness. I see my job, through writing a column, as pushing my fingernails through those pin-sized holes and ripping them open with all of my might. I want to let in as much light as possible by drawings attention to the acts of kindness being done”

Nicole is inspiring us by helping us see the light of kindness.  Everyday we can be depressed and feel we can’t make a difference in the world or we can can get up and go make a difference, like Nicole.

Being a kindness champion is not an easy task, as some may think.  Grousing in negativity is easy, to hate, to fear, or to give up that is the easy way out for way too many.  To fight for love, peace and kindness in our world takes a special person and that is why I am honoring Nicole Phillips, as the first Kindness Warrior.  Nicole’s blog has influenced many and gave me the courage to expand my own kindness mission, Live Kinder.

What makes Nicole so powerful is her authenticity. She isn’t a super hero but one of us.  We all have struggles that make life difficult.  For Nicole, it was breast cancer.  We can let our adversity swallow our better self or we can become a kindness warrior, like Nicole.  Again, it is not so much what happens to you but how you react to it that determines who you really are. Thank you, Nicole, for letting us see your struggles, your courage, your negativity, your wins, and especially your kindness.  By being authentic, you inspire us to live a little kinder by giving us hope.

This week’s questions to ponder:

  • Does your past hold you back or does is it making you stronger? 
  • Do you believe you can make a difference in your own life and in the world?

To learn more:

If you would like to read Nicole’s articles. I would suggest, “Kindness is Courageous,” 100 of her favorite newspaper articles on kindness or follow her on Facebook.

Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories.  Please sign-up for a weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook!

Transformations

Transformations are founded upon the desire to change after envisioning a different state, a different tomorrow. The transformation of a dilapidated building to the beautiful, “By Grace Hair Studio” in Blue Eye,  MO, is a shining example of such a transformation.  The vacant building, in a state of despair, was transformed to a modern beauty salon,  so stylish you would think Joanne Gaines, herself, designed it.   

After going to the Salon’s open house, it got me contemplating the parallels of fixing buildings to transforming ourselves to someone kinder, more beautiful.  What I loved about the salon’s transformation was the end result.  It had such a wonderful “vibe” to it that you wanted to linger longer. So, what is your “vibe?”  Is it more positive or more negative? Do people want to linger around you?

Transformations commence with an assessment of your strengths. The assessment of the building led to saving only the four brick walls.  They were so full of history and charm; they were saved. 

We all have strengths to build upon.

The next step to transform is to want to improve and not be blinded by your perceptions.  It is easy when you live in house for years to not see what is needed to change because you are seeing the house as you first loved it. Our perceptions of ourselves also get masked with our experiences, and it is hard  to see the need for a change. If you have been doing the kindness measurement you will know where you stand on the kindness scale.

It took four months to modernize the salon. Breaking habits of negativity, constant criticism, and judgments, also take time. Foundation work was required, I.e. plumbing, structural reinforcement and electrical wiring. For a kinder life, positive thoughts and intentions, are required for a strong foundation.

Why I love the salon transformation so much is twofold.  The finishing touches are beautiful: from the focal point chandelier, the crate shelving, the hair blower holders, cabinets, and decor. 

However, the main reason is the peaceful energy, it is easy to feel the love that was built into it.  You can tell that Ryan built this as a labor of love for his wife, Jodie.   The building was transformed for Jodie to have a beautiful place to work and to welcome her customers.

The purpose to personally transform is to have a peaceful, happier life not only for yourself but for those who are impacted by your energy day in and day out.  As you transform, you will see that you are enabling those you love, to transform as well; just as the salon building transformation will have an impact on its customers for years to come.

If you live in the vicinity, the salon is located at 1123 State Hwy 13, Blue Eye, MO, 417-779-1527,  perhaps it will inspire you.

Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories.  Please sign-up for a weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook!

How Kind Are You, Really?

The impetus for my “Live Kinder” book was because I just felt compelled to do something. There is such a lack of everyday kindness. The need for kindness hit home this week as one of my friends was impacted by an unkind act. This once again reminded me how much everyday kindness is needed in the world no matter where “your world” is located.

The unkind act toward my friend, in my analysis, involved people acting with exclusivity instead of being inclusive.  They were finding ways to feed their egos instead of supporting each other. My friend had to withdraw from our activity, because as she put it, “I do not wish to spend time among those who do not even try to walk in love towards one another.”

The fundamental issue is that people think they act with kindness.  If you ask the next ten people you see it they act with kindness, how many do you think would say no? Would you say yes or no? Naturally it follows then, that if we don’t see a need to change, we won’t and the cycle of unkindness will continue.

This begs the question…Why don’t people see that they are acting unkind? It’s about the lens on which they view themselves and others. In my example above, those involved in the unkind act justify being unkind because of something they perceived, which many times, was incorrect perceptions of reality, but because the lens was set to complaining and seeing only the bad.  They did not want to see the good in people, because they could not see the good in themselves. It hurts when people are unkind to you. Unkindness is never justified.

Kindness is a habit. Being unkind is a bad habit that needs to be broken and replaced with a new habit of kindness. An easy way to do this is through a kindness measurement. Such a measurement takes into account your unkind acts as well as your kind acts. What I love about taking kindness measurements is that the measurements provide a gauge for all of us to be kinder people.  We are all somewhere on the kindness continuum. When you know where you are, you can improve.

The kindness score is the number of times you are authentically kind divided by the number of times you are unkind or you are artificially kind that day.

The “Number of Authentically Kind Acts” is the sum of all the authentically kind acts you perform in a day.

The (Number of Unkind Acts + Number of Artificially Kind Acts) is the sum of all the artificially kind acts and the unkind acts you perform in a day. An unkind act is a deed that appears unkind, even on the surface. You do it for your own benefit, and the act is rooted in an unkind motive, such as, disrespect. It is any time you show callousness of heartlessness. An artificially kind act is a deed that appears kind on the surface, and you do for your own benefit alone or because you were coerced to do it.

Count everything authentically kind, artificially kind, or unkind you do, say or think. Be honest with yourself. Keep a small notepad close by and use a simple stick counting method to determine the total number of kind acts, as well as, the number of artificially kind acts and unkind acts. After a few days you won’t need the notepad, you will know if your net actions were kinder or unkind at the end of the day.

Calculate your score at the end of each day by dividing the total number of kind acts by the total number of unkind acts. The result is your kindness score.

This is how you would analyze your score. If your scores is

  • Less than 1, you are doing more unkind acts than kind acts
  • Equal to 1, you are performing as many kind acts as unkind acts
  • More than 1, you are currently performing more kind acts than unkind acts.

Kindness Score Examples

So how kind are you really?  What is your kindness score?

Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com  I love hearing your kindness stories.  Please sign-up for a weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook!